Dr Drake Ramorary: ?So, Mr Hate, your CV looks very impressive.?

Dr Hate: ?Dr. Hate, it's Dr. Hate; I didn't spend six years in Vengeful Medical School to be called "mister," thank you very much.?

Confused as to how Dr. Hate was able to pronounce an underlined word without having to turn to the director (ha! Director! They?d be better off directing traffic down a one-way street!) for a hint, Dr. Drake pauses. Anyway, as we were?

Dr. Drake Ramorary: ?Right, well we?ve got a waiting room full of patients, who aren?t very patient ? so if you don?t object, I?d like to show you how I like to do things around here.?

Dr. Hate: ?You?re the boss.?

Dr. Drake Ramoray turns to shout something at the secretary.

Dr. Drake Ramorary: (shouting) ?Could you send the next patient through please Nekotaku?

Nekotaku: ?Don?t shout, I?m in the doorway and you?ve got a fucking intercom!?

Dr. Hate: ?Bit mouthy isn?t she for secretary??

Dr. Drake Ramorary: ?Cheap Eastern-European labour, she?s a bit of an ugly bitch, but hey ? not only do I pay crap wages, but she?ll be part of a sex-slave ring before she knows it.?

Nekotaku: (exasperated) ?I?m still right here!?

Android 18a walks in through the door.

Android 18a: (looking at Drake) ?Doctor? (turns to Hate) ?Doctor?

They nod a hello.

Dr. Drake Ramorary: ?What?s the problem then Miss 18a?

Android 18a: ?Every time I pull down my trousers I hear the tune to ?Is this the way to Amarillo?.?

Dr. Drake Ramorary: ?I wouldn?t worry madam, at the moment it seems like every cunt in the country?s singing it. 

We quickly change scene, in a mistimed attempt to avoid the censors. It?s the market ? and dr48 is mooing.

dr48: ?Moooooooo?

Back in the Doctor?s [That should be Doctors? now, surely? You may think us Sub-Eds  are too far gone on Buckfast to notice these things, but we?ll show you! WE?LL SHOW YOU! Sub Ed.] Surgery Dr. Hate and Dr. Drake Ramorary are talking.

Dr. Drake Ramoray: ?What an incredible body, eh??

Dr. Hate: ?I?d love to get my hands on those.?

The camera pans out and we see the two of them looking at images on Dr. Drake Ramoray?s computer. Dr. Hate tilts his head to get a better view.

Dr. Hate: ?I don?t think I?ve ever seen better, have you??

Dr. Drake Ramorary: ?The body, the head? Wow? just wow.?

The camera pans to reveal the computer screen around to show what they are looking at. A perfectly poured pint, or rather two of them ? because after all, Dr. Hate spoke in plural ? and TGNders always flows and makes sense.

Realising they need to get some work done, Dr. Drake Ramorary turns off the monitor. 

Dr. Drake Ramorary: ?I need the toilet, Doctor ? you should take care of the next patient.?

Dr. Drake Ramorary walks off. The next patient enters.

Dr. Hate: ?So, Mr. Funk? (thought you knew where the next cheap gag was coming from? Ha! - it?s even cheaper than you thought!)  ?What?s seems to be the problem??

Realising, new to the game as he is ? he hasn?t actually let the patient into the room, he gets up to open the door.

Dr. Hate: ?So, Mr. Funk. What?s seems to be the problem??

Funk: ?Well, it?s like this, doctor??

Bored already, Dr. Hate stares out through the window. Outside we can see The Incredible Hulk having a fight with Yoda. dr48 walks past and twats Yoda around the head with a large Dictionary. The Baker runs to Yoda?s rescue wearing a giant white KKK hat, and a small collection of salty baked goods in his hands.

Funk: ?Doctor? (shouting) ?Doctor!?

Dr. Hate: ?No need to repeat yourself, son ? this isn?t a laughing matter. Now, what?s your primary disposition??

Funk: ?Every time I look in the mirror I get an erection?

Dr. Hate: ?That?s because you look like a cunt. NEXT!?

Cut to The Mary Rose. The rather respectable gentleman with the monogrammed deer-stalker hat enters? and as if Telford has already had it?s effect on him, he?s swapped the pipe for a roll-up. He walks up to the bar where Corinthians is trying to woo Tim. Glad for the distraction Tim rushes over to the new arrival.

Tim: ?Hallo there me?yol matee, what can I do ya for??

Mysterious Stranger: ?Could you just point me in the direction of the Doctor?s surgery kind gent.?

Zebedee struts up, well ? as much as you can strut when you?re lugging a stonking great suitcase of ?commodities? behind you.

Zebedee: ?I?ll, err, field this one Tim.?

Zebedee and the Mysterious Stranger wander out through the pub together, battered suitcase in tow. We can hear Zebedee?s conversation trailing off.

Zebedee: ?You look like a bloke with good taste in his merchandise. Now, can I interest you in a 75 percent genuine??

Outside we see Alastor playing football with The Dark One and an empty can of coke, The Inspiration and Light Wind are stopping everyone that goes past to screech obscenities about James TM.

The Inspiration: ?At last year?s Nativity, he touched up the baby Jebus!?

Light Wind: ?Oh the shames?

The Mysterious Stranger is accelerating through the little bit of greenery that barely qualifies as a park in the middle of the square. Weighed down by the suitcase, Zebedee is falling behind.

Zebedee: (Shouting after him) ?Not a Rolax man then? Fair enough, I hear you ? hows about an original Dulche and Dasani belt? No? No worries, guv. Let?s see what else I?ve got for you. Hello! Come back!?

Mr. Party Hat is lying on a park bench stirring from sleep. He?s got a monkey sitting on the back of a camel tethered to the bench and what appears to a half-shaven dog huddling up to his leg.

Mr. Party Hat: ?Wah, huh?? (Sitting bolt upright) ?Who stole my roof??

In the distance, Zebedee has stopped (or rather tripped up and sat on) his potential client.

Zebedee: ?Well, sir, it?s a good thing you stopped me when you did. Have I got bargains for you? Yes I have. Now, what is it you do anyway?

Mysterious Stranger: ?I work for Macclesfield Phonographic House, the name?s Master Hunter ? I?m down here trying to scout out some new talent who might be worth listening to.?

He hands Zebedee a business card with the name ?Master P. Hunter? on it. Just at this point a group of townies run past, one of them snatching the hat off Master Hunter?s head. They are followed by an enraged Rhinox running as fast as he can with weights in one hand, and a plank with a nail in the end in the other.

Rhinox: ?Aauueerrhjjrhgfgghdhhggg-townies-hhhhhhhuuughhhhh?

They enter the market, where we see a couple of what look like large camel-spiders running at The Inspiration?s legs.

The Inspiration: ?Arrrrrrgh!?

Theory Of Games is visible just up the market doing the robot to Supergrass?s Caught by the Fuzz. A blacked up Tricky and Muckers are visible behind him, along with a number of life sized Robertson?s Gollys.

Muckers: ?Hello Dave??

Zebedee has actually been silenced by Master Hunter, who is still talking beneath him.

Master Hunter: ?So like I was saying, I?m a talent scout. What you have to understand is, there are two genres of music in the world. The Stereophonics, and Blink 182. If it doesn?t sound like one of them, it?s not music. That?s all there is to it. I haven?t had a single successful or decent artist escape me for 4 years now. I can smell them a mile off.?

Theory Of Games interjects.

Theory Of Games: ?Can I help you with anything Sir? Blue Wizard? Lextech and the Two Triographers? Not Fully Focused??

Master Hunter: (completely blanking Theory Of Games) ?So like I was saying, if I don?t see them ? they?re not worth signing up, I leave the rubbish behind.?

Tricky: ?Would you like to buy some pegs, Dave??

In the caf?, we see Retroid sniffing in the corner. Lady Boyg1 is up at the counter ordering something to drink.  Zilon is covering for Corinthians.

Lady Boyg1: ?Two coffee?s with Rum please.?

Zilon: ?I?m sorry sir, would tea do? I?m afraid I don?t know how to make coffee.?

Lady Boyg1: ?Tttchh, man you a foo, just make it two Rum?s like we have back in Jamaica, and sharpish please good sir ? I have an alcoholic penchant an I don t?want to be hept whaleting?

Zilon: ?Sorry mate, we?re all out of Rum ? Corinthians works? (he pauses) ?is meant to work here.?

Lady Boyg1: ?But I saw you take a delivery of two crates this morning!?

Zilon: ?Like I said, Corinthians works here??

Switch walks in, and spots Retroid moping in the corner.

Switch: ?Why the long face? He looks like his wife died!?

Zilon: ?She did.?

Switch. ?Oh.? (He pauses) ?Shit.?

Fighter of Foo walks past The Dark One who is arguing with a signpost, and into the caf?, having somehow heard everything, he walks up to Retroid.

Fighter of Foo: ?I?m sorry man, but what actually happened to Anders??

Retroid: (sobbing) ?She had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.?

Fighter of Foo: (slightly disturbed and thoroughly disgusted) ?Hadn?t you realised that two people of your age having sex would be asking for trouble??

Retroid: ?Oh no, not at all.?

Fighter of Foo, petrified as to where the rest of the conversation is going, tries to concentrate on something else. Zilon walks out of the caf? in the background.

Fighter of Foo: (looking out of the window up at the sky and muttering under his breath) ?Oh look ? a bird!?

Retroid: (not hearing him) ?Many years ago, realising our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.?

Retroid pauses to wipe a tear from his eye, before continuing?

Retroid: ?She'd still be alive, if it wasn?t for that blasted ice-cream van.?

Outside in the street we see Zilon with his newly adopted son, Cut My Milk ? walking in the direction of their home.

Zilon: ?Anything you want to ask, don?t be afraid ? just come straight out and say it.?

Cut My Milk: ?Okay, thanks Dad. What?s a transvestite??

Zilon: ?I don?t know, but ask your mother, he?ll know.?

As we pan through The Mary Rose, there is anarchy throughout ? at the bar Corinthians is fighting a giant crab for the last shot of Baileys and packet of Pork Scratchings.

Corinthians: ?Aaarrrrrrgh!?

In a rather damp and squalid corner James TM, Lewis @ Cube and Private Ryan are reading. Lewis and Ryan are leering over the latest copy of ?Goat weekly?. James TM turns a page and we see the title of his book is ?Delia?s Food for Children?. He mumbles to himself.

James TM: ?Genius, a gingerbread house.?

As James TM re-adjusts his ?Michael Howard forever? T-shirt, Mr. Party Hat walks in through the window moaning about his roof. He jigs up to the table.

Mr. Party Hat: ?Lewis, I?ve been wondering, a erm, friend of mine has been err ? telling me about some things he got up to when he was drunk, only I don?t understand some of the words.?

A low pitch noise starts humming, and gradually picks up speed until we see Raine cackling away madly to himself.

DUM DUM DUM DUM~!